An illusion
by JouChan13
Summary: post-Kyoto fic. Tsuzuki accidentally drinks one of Watari’s potions. The potion seems to take Tsuzuki’s memory making things even more complicated for an ill Hisoka. To make things worse Tsuzuki believes Hisoka to be a girl.
1. chapter 01

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is the creation of Matushita and associates. FF is non-profit, meant for entertainment only.

FF can be archived anywhere, just let me know where. Please send no flames, I'm sensitive. For all other comments 0_o you may contact me at kaoru_koishii@yahoo.com

Category: Yami no Matsuei

Title: An illusion is nothing more and nothing less, at first glance.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: A post-Kyoto fic. Tsuzuki accidentally drinks one of Watari's potions. The potion seems to take Tsuzuki's memory making things even more complicated for an ill Hisoka. To make things worse Tsuzuki believes Hisoka to be a girl.

*************

Chapter One

*************

"I can't believe this. I call out once. Once in the whole two and a half years I've known him." Hisoka thought out loud as he hasten his pace.

Rushing through the doors, he made his way to where he knew his partner to be. It had taken him longer than he thought. He was dizzy. He never would have been able to fly over here, not the way he felt. His fever was still high. He leaned against a wall for a moment feeling the need for support.

"Kurosaki-kun, are you all right?" Tatsumi stood in front of him. Slight concern edging his words.

Hisoka opened his eyes slowly. This dizzy spell had been worse than the one he'd suffered at home. "I'm all right. Where is he?" He asked, his voice back to the usual tone, calm and monotonous.

Tatsumi took the statement for what it was worth. He nodded and led the way to the medical wing. Neither spoke as they walked.

Tatsumi stopped in front of Watari's office. He noticed the door was slightly ajar. Hisoka took a quick glance into the room. The first thing he noticed was his partner on the bed. His eyes were closed. Watari was leaning over checking for something no doubt.

"He's doing just fine. He accidentally drank one of Watari's potions." Tatsumi paused briefly before proceeding. "He seems to have some memory loss, possibly amnesia."

Hisoka stared at the childlike man. He looked peaceful. Hisoka frowned after a moment. So he was fine, physically at least. It was just his mind. How much different could Tsuzuki be though? He had a feeling that no matter what the circumstances, Tsuzuki would always be Tsuzuki. "How long will this last?" Hisoka asked moving his glance back to Tatsumi.

Tatsumi looked into the room. "Watari says a month; the dose wasn't too strong."

*************

The purple-eyed shinigami opened his eyes feeling a slight headache as his eyes adjusted to the light. He blinked back in surprise. There was a blonde man with an owl on his shoulder hovering over him. "Where am I?"

"You're in the infirmary." Watari responded before he took a seat, looking over his notes before he addressed Tsuzuki. "What's the last thing you remember?" He said crossing his leg as he stared at his patient.

Tsuzuki took a moment. Then frowned. It was a complete blank.

"Well do you at least know who you are?" Watari was taking his time to write all of this down.

Tsuzuki nodded. "Tsuzuki."

"What's your first name?" He said as he scribbled things down.

"It's . . . ." What was it? He searched his mind. He knew the answer was somewhere in there. "I can't remember?"

"Hmm, well do you know my name?"

Tsuzuki didn't have to think about it. "No." He said.

"Well, I'm Watari Yutaka the doctor and local scientist." Watari ran through a list of names till he got down to one. "What about the name Hisoka?"

Tsuzuki felt his heart contract. He didn't know why. "It sounds familiar."

Watari smiled. "Well it should sound familiar. Kurosaki Hisoka is your partner."

'Partner.' The word seemed so simple. His eyes turned to the door where two people stood.

Watari noticed Tsuzuki staring at the door. His smile widened. This would be a great opportunity to play matchmaker though truth be told he would have had better luck if he'd slipped the drink to the boy.

Tsuzuki stared at the two people by the door they seemed to be discussing something. His eyes were drawn to the smaller of the two. So petite, with ash blonde hair. He saw the small one turn towards him. Green eyes but unlike any he had ever seen before. They were like emerald chips. The pink shirt accentuated the pale skin perfectly. He felt his heart beat just a little faster.

"Oh, they're coming this way." Watari said rising from the seat meeting the others half way.

Tsuzuki watched as Watari stopped the others half way through the room. Probably discussing his situation. They stood there a moment and Tsuzuki took the opportunity to look over the small jean clad form. Slowly they approached, his eyes running over the small group.

"Tsuzuki, I've told them of the situation and have recommended you stay with your partner during this ordeal." Watari watched as Tsuzuki's eyes widened a bit.

They stared at Tsuzuki while he stared at Hisoka. Hisoka felt the tips of his ears grow hot, a sign of the upcoming blush.

Watari noticed the way the boy clung to his denim jacket. "You don't look so well," he said advancing on the boy.

Hisoka broke eye contact with Tsuzuki. "I just need some rest," he said standing his ground. He didn't need to spend the next month in this place as a result of one of his experiments.

Watari wasn't the least bit deterred. He pulled a thermometer out of somewhere and stuck it into the boy's mouth. "101, this isn't good. Are you having dizzy spells? Are you vomiting? You should be in bed. I shouldn't have called you."

Hisoka closed his jacket a little tighter. All this talking was putting him in a fowl mood. "I will take Tsuzuki home now."

Hisoka stepped back as Tsuzuki moved to stand. He swayed in his step, stumbling back to the bed. He stilled his movement until the pounding in his head stopped.

"Do you have a headache Tsuzuki?" Watari asked as he came closer to him.

Tsuzuki gave a small nod.

"These should do the trick." The blond scientist said pulling some aspiring out of his pocket. "It might take a couple of minutes but you should be just fine. You can come back when Kurosaki comes back," he said in almost a whisper to Tsuzuki.

Tsuzuki took the pills and after a moment rose steadily to his feet. He looked over to Hisoka and smiled. "Will she mind that I'll be staying with her?" He asked Watari not really turning to look at the doctor.

The doctor's smiled only grew wider. He should correct him. Really he should. "Hisoka cares a lot about you. I'm sure it won't be any inconvenience at all." Watari watched the brown haired man make his way over to his younger partner. He was grinning like an idiot but he didn't much care.

"Hisoka?" He asked a little unsure. "I hope you don't mind me staying with you over the next month." Purple eyes bore into green ones, searching for something he didn't quite understand.

"It's fine," answered Hisoka. He turned and walked out, followed closely behind the older man.

"Should I ask why you're smiling like a lunatic?" Tatsumi asked pushing his glasses up.

Watari turned to him immediately. "He thinks Hisoka is a girl."

Tatsumi's blank expression didn't dissuade the excited scientist.

"Oh, come on. Out of all the names I ran through with him the only one he seemed to recall was the boy's. Plus I saw the way he was looking at him. Don't you see? He thinks Hisoka's female. Won't he be surprised when he find out differently." The evil glint in Watari's eyes was unmistakable.

Tatsumi just shook his head and left the infirmary.

"Well it's going to be interesting, that was for sure." Watari said smiling. Maybe he should go work on his sex-changing potion. Maybe he could still slip it to the boy before Tsuzuki found out. 'Oh, that would be good,' he thought as he made his way to the part of the lab dedicated to the experiment.

*************  


The walk to Hisoka's apartment was slow. Tsuzuki allowed Hisoka to set the pace. She really did look pale. "Are you all right?" Tsuzuki asked concerned; the younger shinigami didn't look well at all.

Hisoka nodded. 'Just a bit longer', he thought. He felt the air heavy in his chest. The dizziness wasn't going away.

They kept silent as they made their way to Hisoka's apartment.

Despite the haze he now felt. Hisoka could still feel worry coming off his partner in waves, the confusion the older man felt. Hisoka was making sure he kept his distance. He pulled his keys out of his pocket and was only able to put them in the lock before he collapsed.

Tsuzuki noticed and rushed to support his partner. He felt a surge of attraction overwhelm his senses for a moment when he looked down into the elfin face. He picked up the little imp and unlocked the door, closing the door quietly after they went in. 'So this is where you live,' he thought as he looked around. The living room was spacious, very elegantly done in traditional colors of black and white. The furniture was very low but it only seemed appropriate seeing as how small 'she' was.

He brought the bundle closer to his chest as he made his way around the house. Finally, he found what seemed to be her room. It had been hard to tell from the guestroom, but this one. He was sure he'd been in here before. He laid the bundle on to the bed and sat on a corner for a moment knowing it was wrong yet being unable to move. Tsuzuki moved a couple of wheat colored strands from Hisoka's face, a poor excuse for a touch of the porcelain face.

He pondered on that for a moment. Why did he feel so attracted to Hisoka when they had just barely met? Well not really but he didn't quite remember Hisoka so it was like they had just met, at least for him.

Partner.

How long had they been partners? He turned his face away from Hisoka for a moment and looked around the room. His gaze fell on a dresser; there was a lot of medicine on it. Slowly he stood and made his way over to it. He felt curious about her and so unable to resist the urge he opened the drawer and his eyes lit up. Inside the drawer there was a picture of them. He found it odd that the framed picture would lie inside the drawer rather than on the small table beside the bed. Why would it be there?

The thought came unbidden but . . . . Was there more than just a working relationship between them? He didn't really know but found the subject extremely interesting. He took the picture and closed the drawer. His long fingers traced the contours of the porcelain face through the glass before he left the bedroom.

He came back to the living room where he slumped onto the couch. He stretched and lay back holding the picture in front of him. He stared at it for a long moment until his lids grew heavy and his arms descended until the picture in his hand touched the floor. A nap sounded real good just about now.

*************

He felt the flames licking the air around him. The fire threatened to consume everything it touched. He felt alone. So alone.

"Tsuzuki!" Came the far off cry.

Tsuzuki turned his head someone was calling him.

"Tsuzuki!" The cry was more desperate.

He turned his head to the left. Hisoka?

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Tsuzuki woke up. Not sure where he was for a moment. His breathing was shallow a reflex to the dream. He rose and took a shaky step towards the kitchen. Throwing cold water on his face, he leaned over the sink for a moment. Memory or a dream? The experience had been weird. It had felt so . . . so . . . he wasn't sure how to put it into words.

He tried to shake off the dream, specially the feelings it brought up. He decided it was best to find some food, it had a way of making things better not always but most often. He felt his stomach rumble. How long had it been since he'd eaten? He opened the refrigerator and stumbled back in distress. It was empty. Oh, no.

Hisoka woke up with a start, rising half off the bed in his wake. He didn't know what had woken him. Either way he was glad he didn't know or remembered. He stood on weak knees making his way over to the dresser. Why colds could still affect Shinigami he didn't know but you'd think that Watari would have found a cure or at least something to make them immune.

Hisoka took some of his medicine before he went out to find Tsuzuki. Kami only knew what he'd done to the house while left alone. As he reached his bedroom door he felt a wave of hunger. A feeling not of his own, Tsuzuki. Hisoka made his way to the kitchen where he felt the feeling grow stronger. He peeked around the corner only to see him sitting in front of the refrigerator with the door open. 'Baka.'

Tsuzuki in chibi-inu form clung to the door. There was no food.

"Tsuzuki!"

Tsuzuki's head whipped around to see Hisoka. "There's no food," he whined.

Hisoka gave a small shake of the head. The man was more than ninety-six years old though he didn't look it. With all his years you'd think he'd be more mature but that was not the case. Time had done nothing as far as striping him off the childish traits of his youth. "Why don't you order something to eat?" Hisoka suggested.

Tsuzuki's hand went to his eyes, rubbing them with the back of his hand. "I don't have any money."

Hisoka sweat dropped, of course he didn't. "There are menus to several places that deliver, right over there." Hisoka pointed to the counter where the phone lay. "Order something, I'll go get some money. I'll go grocery shopping tomorrow." With that said, he turned and went back to the bedroom to fetch his wallet.

Tsuzuki stared after him for a while. He didn't know why he had acted that way but it was obvious Hisoka was used to it. How embarrassing.

Hisoka came back a moment later. Tsuzuki noticed she'd put a sweater on. Baby blue looked just as good as pink on her. "I was hoping we could get to know each other since we're going to spend a whole month together." Tsuzuki spoke enthusiastically.

Hisoka gave him a skeptical look. "Do you really not remember me?" Hisoka voiced in a neutral tone as he began to make some tea.

"I don't. I know you're my partner because Watari told me so." He responded as he watched her work.

"Well there's not much to say. We've been partners for a little over two years." Hisoka said as he made his way into the living room. "We work well together." There was some truth in that. 'Well I work,' he thought. He sat down on his couch placing a soda in front of Tsuzuki before he began to sip his tea. Even the liquid hurt his throat.

Tsuzuki looked at his partner. She didn't seem much for talking. Maybe it was because she was sick. "Where will I be staying?"

"In the guestroom." Exasperation clearly evident in the tone.

For an unknown reason Tsuzuki felt hurt by the response.

Hisoka gave a deep sigh. He hadn't meant to snap. He was just so grumpy; illness did that to people. He rose and walked to the door. A second before he reached the door the doorbell rang.

Tsuzuki smelled the food. "Hmm, Thai."

Hisoka could feel an overwhelming feeling of happiness coming off Tsuzuki. He took the food into the kitchen. Was it always going to be the same with this man? He wondered as he served two plates, making one much larger than the other one. He walked back slowly to the couch handing Tsuzuki the larger plate and taking the smaller one for himself.

Tsuzuki took the plate with a large smile. He waited till Hisoka took a seat and then gobbled down his food. Hisoka ate about a quarter of his plate before the medicine he'd taken had its effect. He put his plate on the small coffee table and leaned back into the couch. He tucked his knees his knees into the couch and closed his eyes. Just a second. He'd rest only for a second.

Tsuzuki watched the smaller shinigami fall asleep. He smiled at the site before he stood and took the plates into the kitchen. He was washing them when a thought occurred to him. He had no clothes. What was he supposed to sleep in? He was supposed to stay here with Hisoka till he got better but they hadn't bothered to pick up any clothes for him. Hmm. He made his way back to the living room.

"I think you like to be carried around, ne Hisoka?" He said as he looked at her. He picked up the small body and carried her back to her room. He hoped that what he saw today was only because she was sick. She really needed to put on a little more weight. He walked down the hall with the bundle in his arms.

He laid her down on the bed covering her with a thick blanket when he felt the coldness of the room. He stood slowly gazing down at her. Wistfulness settled over him waking up the urge to taste the rosy lips. He shook his head clearing his mind of the tempting image. He leaned in and tucked the blanket all around the small body. Quickly drawing away before she woke up. He had a feeling that she probably wouldn't be too happy about finding him that close to her face. It seemed like she had a short temper. He walked out of the room in search of his own but first he had to retrieve the picture he'd been looking at. 'He'd ask about his clothes tomorrow,' he thought as he picked up the picture from the floor.

*************

Tsuzuki woke to the smell of pancakes. How could that be? There had been no food in the fridge yesterday. He rose and made his way out quickly. He was by the door when he decided that the least he could do was wash his face.

After doing so he left the room. When he got to the hall the smell got stronger. He could smell eggs and . . . . . he sniffed the air. Bacon. If he was lucky and he had a feeling he was, Hisoka would turn out to be great little cook.

Thoughts from last night resurfaced as he walked down the hall. The attraction he felt for Hisoka was very strong and he was determined to get to the bottom of it. He couldn't explain it but he had this feeling that . . . . well . . . . It was too early to tell. The way he felt when he saw her though . . . . He walked in to see her serving a large plate, he could only assume it was for him. He threw her a goofy grin.

Hisoka felt Tsuzuki approaching. The smell of food could always wake the man. He served a large plate then went back to serving a smaller one. He placed the dishes opposite each other on the table before he went back to the kitchen. He served a large glass of orange juice for Tsuzuki and some tea for himself. He was about to put the orange juice back when he thought better of it. Might as well leave it on the table Tsuzuki always had more than one cup. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Tsuzuki approaching the table.

"Ne, Hisoka I thought there wasn't any food in the fridge?" He said taking a seat.

"There wasn't, I stepped out early for groceries. I also stopped by your place and brought you some things." Hisoka watched Tsuzuki; his face almost always matched his mood. Right now he looked really happy. "Eat," Hisoka muttered to the older shinigami.

Tsuzuki couldn't wipe the grin that settled on his face. Maybe the little one felt something too. The way she took care of him. He hoped that was the case. "Thank you Hisoka." He said before he dug in.

When Hisoka finished his pancake he rose to serve Tsuzuki again. He'd been so tire the day before he was almost sure he hadn't served him enough. 'He must have gone to sleep hungry,' he thought as he refilled the plate to Tsuzuki standards. He went back to his seat and began drinking his tea.

Tsuzuki felt he could lick the plate. The food was so delicious. His little partner obviously knew of his eating habits. What else did he know? "Are you feeling well enough to leave the house today?"

Hisoka shook his head no before he took the dishes to the sink and washed them. When he finished he dried his hands on a small dishtowel. Tsuzuki who'd followed him into the kitchen stood against a wall as he waited for Hisoka to come back into the living room with him.

"Do you remember where the tv is?" Hisoka asked as he spared the taller man a glance.

Tsuzuki shook his head, no.

"All right, it's this way." Hisoka said as he walked back to the living room. He stood in front of an oak cabinet, pulling back the covers he revealed a large entertainment center. One of the many things Tsuzuki had insisted he buy for his apartment. Sometimes he wasn't really sure why he listened to the older man. "I keep the controls here on the side table. I don't have any movies I think you would like. And the video store is at least two blocks from here. In your condition though I don't think that's advisable so the tv will have to do." Hisoka placed the controls in Tsuzuki's hands, blushing as their hands brushed one another. "I'm going to go back to bed. I'll come back to make you lunch." He said as he left the room. He paused mid-step around the corner of the hall. "And DON'T eat all the sweets in the fridge." This, he said with a scowl.

Tsuzuki only blinked back in feigned innocence. 'Scary, how well you know,' he thought. He sat on the couch for sometime. Taking in all the small details of the living room. He hadn't noticed the book shelves yesterday. They seemed to cover most of the wall. He rose of the couch and began looking around, reading the tittles to some of the books. After a while he realized something . . . . . Hisoka was really smart. Smarter than himself he was sure. Everything was so clean and pristine.

He made a face and went back to the couch. He slumped into it. Turning the tv on he began flipping through channels. He really hoped Hisoka got better soon he really needed someone to talk to. He yawned; he was just so bored.

"Stay put I'm coming to get you!" Hisoka stood behind large flames but even through the gaps, he could see him.

'Hisoka,' He thought. Could it really be . . . .

"Tsuzuki let's go." Hisoka yelled.

He shook his head no. He just couldn't

"Tsuzuki." Hisoka cried out with an outstretched hand.

"That's enough Hisoka. I've already lived more than my share . . . ." The words, they were so hard to say. He felt tears rolling down his cheeks and falling on top of his hand. " . . . so tired."

"I can't exist anymore." His words were trailing off. "So GoodB . . . ."

The lithe body tossed itself into his unprepared arms. "Hisoka?"

"Then stay for my sake!" Hisoka's words were spoken brokenly.

"I don't want to be alone anymore! Where I belong . . . ." Hisoka voice cracked, pleadingly. "Is by your side." Hisoka's arms tightened their hold. "I . . . I need you!!!"

His arms tightened around the small waist, grasping for assurance. "Can I . . . . stay with you?"

Hisoka nodded.

Tzusuki looked around as the roof began to fall in. The flames . . . . the flames would take them both.

Tsuzuki's eyes opened surprised to see jade eyes hovering just above him. Hisoka's hand still rested on his shoulder. "Why?" Hisoka asked weakly. "Why are you remembering that?"

Tsuzuki stilled his body as dread filled his heart and guilt washed over him.

Hisoka yanked his hand away like it'd been burned. Tsuzuki wasn't shielding his feelings.

Tsuzuki made slow moments to keep Hisoka from bolting. The smaller shinigami looked ready to flee. "I didn't mean . . . . I'm sorry." He apologized. He'd do anything to take back the cause for the hurt emanating from Hisoka's eyes.

Hisoka straightened and stepped back. "I need to make lunch." He said with a composed face. His voice only wavering the slightest. He moved away quickly before the older man could try and touch him.

Tsuzuki stared after his partner, not really sure what had just occurred. He sat on the couch rubbing his palms over his face. The words echoed in his ears. '_I need you. Stay for my sake. I need you. Stay. Stay. Stay._' The echo remained in his thoughts. He had wanted to kill himself. But he had never meant harm to Hisoka. _"Why? Why are you remembering that?"_

There were a lot of things they needed to talk about. Things the little imp needed to set straight.

Hmm, I see a little OOC. Still I'm happy with this chapter. It's up to my usual standard as far as lengths goes. Bare with me . . . please. I know I might loose some of you while I refer to Hisoka in the feminine sense but that's because Tsuzuki is still under the impression that Hisoka is female. I think it's very believable. If you've ever seen the way they draw him in the manga, you might think so as well. I have that cute pic of Hisoka in a dress, he looks so kawaii. Either way thanks for reading.


	2. chapter 02

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is the creation of Matushita and associates. FF is non-profit, meant for entertainment only.

FF can be archived anywhere, just let me know where. Please send no flames, I'm sensitive. For all other comments 0_o you may contact me at kaoru_koishii@yahoo.com

Category: Yami no Matsuei

Title: An illusion is nothing more and nothing less, at first glance.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: A post-Kyoto fic. Tsuzuki accidentally drinks one of Watari's potions. The potion seems to take Tsuzuki's memory making things even more complicated for an ill Hisoka. To make things worse Tsuzuki believes Hisoka to be a girl.

*************

Chapter Two

*************

Hisoka served Tsuzuki lunch in silence. He took a seat as far away as he could. After a lot of thought, he knew what he would say to the purple-eyed shinigami. Tsuzuki often took things to heart and he didn't really want to confuse the man more than he already was. Aside from that, well Tsuzuki was not the brightest of the bunch. He might not have been warned as to what he was . . . . . "I'm an empath."

The sound of Hisoka's voice caused Tsuzuki to stop mid swallow. An empath? "Can you see things, like a fortuneteller?"

Hisoka looked away. "No. Not exactly, I can sense thoughts, feelings. Sometimes I can look into people's minds. Though not everyone's." After some hesitation he finished his rehearsed speech. "I'm sensitive to other peoples emotions, especially yours. I can sense you from far." Hisoka paused then not wanting to continue but rationalized that these were things the real Tsuzuki already knew so it didn't matter. "You and I. We've . . . . synchronized. So it's . . . ."

"Are we lovers?"

Hisoka felt his face burn in embarrassment. "Baka-yarou." The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. The blush worked itself down his neck and turned a darker shade. "I . . . We're partners." He stuttered as he glared at the older man.

A smile touched the older man's lips. Hisoka had become flustered all too quickly. "So I haven't tried anything? Or you haven't let me?" His face took on a thoughtful look as he focused on jade-eyes, which flashed with fury.

Hisoka's mouth dropped open just the slightest before he shut it close. "I'm going to bed." He rose knocking his chair back. Not caring enough to pick it up he made a dash for his room.

Tsuzuki laughed. It felt natural for him to flirt with the blond. Thought he had been right about the temper. He was sure that if he'd been standing closer he would have been slapped. He finished his meal, knowing the jade-eyed shinigami would get over it. If he was correct in his assumptions the blond would try and act like nothing had happened. Tsuzuki ate his meal and Hisoka's too, no point in it going to waste.

Hisoka stomped into his room, locking the door to behind him. "Baka-Yarou." The man had no shame. "Tsuzuki-baka." If it weren't for his amnesia he'd have been wearing the plate he was eating on. "kisama." He tossed himself onto the bed and closed his eyes. Despite been a shinigami and never again been able to age a day beyond the moment of his death, he had a feeling that Tsuzuki could make him go gray. Gray before the age of twenty-five. That was life with Tsuzuki. He frowned at himself. His heart was still racing from the embarrassment. He got up and took his sleeping pills. It was the only way he could avoid the nightmares sometimes. And with Tsuzuki here . . . . well . . . . He didn't want the fool rushing into his room after he woke up screaming.

He set his clock for six. He still had to make dinner. He opened the window, allowing the room to grow colder again. He slept better in cold weather. He yawned feeling sleep at the edge of his consciousness. Tsuzuki had become bolder in his flirting over the years. At least this Tsuzuki didn't touch him. "Baka-yarou."

*************

Tsuzuki popped a jellybean into his mouth before he turned the page to a magazine he'd found. Well not really found more like dug out. It had been very well hidden in the compartment of the coffee table.

10 ways to him to notice you.

Could his flirting mean something more.

Tips to make him fall in love with you.

Soft locks for the winter season.

There were plenty more one-liners to catch the eye but the only ones' he'd be reading would be the ones pertaining to their situation. He smirked while he read some of the tips. Honestly why would Hisoka need this? Some of them just made him laugh.

Tsuzuki's eyebrow rose in interest.

05. Small touches:

Men seem to pick up subconscious hints from woman whenever there is physical contact between them. If he is not yet aware that you have feelings for him then a sure way to get the hint across is by initiating small touches. Fixing his tie at work. Brushing your fingers over his when you borrow a pencil. If that is still too much well then you might want to try something a bit more indirect. You can simply pick up a particular article from his desk and touch it distractedly (or fondle it, which ever you prefer) but please 'Don't make it obvious.' You'll kill your chance or worse. Men are easily distracted but their attention perks at the mere allusion of sex. The touching will help encouraged their already overactive imagination. So remember, 'keep it subtle.'

Tsuzuki shook his head. That is not how men were. Well not all of them. He wouldn't get excited over handing Hisoka a pencil. Still he found the article interesting so he kept on reading.

Hisoka's eyes narrowed as he passed behind the couch on his way to the kitchen. Tsuzuki was way too quiet plus the feeling of amusement was strong. Was he reading something? Hisoka made and effort to look without coming closer. He sighed quietly when he couldn't. Continuing on his way to the kitchen, he still had dinner to prepare.

A sizzling sound reached his ears way before the smell wafted into the living room. He looked at the clock on the shelve 6:15pm. He rose ready to dash into the kitchen when he remembered the magazine. He set it back where he found it. 'No need to get yelled at.' he thought. There was a reason it was hidden away.

He pranced into the kitchen happy to see Hisoka, who was too preoccupied in stirring and frying to heed him any notice. "You'd make a cute housewife."

Hisoka half turned, glaring daggers at Tsuzuki.

"Did I say that out loud?" Tsuzuki thought.

Hisoka turned, beating the chicken in the pan as he stirred. Tsuzuki watched uneasily, surely Hisoka wouldn't do him bodily harm. "So I was wondering . . . well how do I get money?"

"Just get your pay from Tatsumi." Hisoka said as he stirred the noodles. "On second thought I'll get your pay. Kami knows you'd spent it before you ever got home and then what would you do for groceries." Hisoka muttered as he drained the vegetables before he turned to Tsuzuki. There was an unreadable expression there. Hisoka looked away he didn't want to know what it meant. Unconsciously though he reached out with his senses but Tsuzuki was shielding again. Hisoka served their plates without further comments.

"You look better." Tsuzuki commented over dinner.

Hisoka nodded and continued to pick at his food.

"Could we go get my pay tomorrow?"

Hisoka refrained from asking what he needed it for. Instead he nodded. "Aa, after lunch."

The remainder of the meal was mainly silent. Hisoka was never one for too much talk unless it was to admonish his partner.

*************

Tsuzuki was very excited. Any more excitement and he'd be skipping down the street.

"You're never this happy when we go to work." Hisoka commented as Tsuzuki came all too near again.

"Maybe because we aren't going there to work today." Tsuzuki said as he slowed his pace to match his partners. He kept his gaze dead ahead as he began, "I had this . . . . dream . . . . though not a dream." He paused for a moment. "You were recovering from something, the details are fuzzy but I was there in the infirmary. You wouldn't wake up. I pleaded . . . . but you wouldn't wake up." Tsuzuki felt strangely disconnected now that he retold the dream but it hadn't been so when he woke up in the middle of the night. He'd been crying in his sleep as far as he could tell. "When did this happen?" He asked as he turned to look at Hisoka who had his face turned away.

Hisoka remained quiet for a long time. "About a year ago." He said finally, unwilling to elaborate.

"I said things to you." Tsuzuki began but was halted by a freezing glare.

Not a second later they saw one of the feathery twins sweep out in front of them. "Tsuzuki-san how nice to see you." Gushoushin greeted.

"Hi." Tzusuki responded cheerfully, he hadn't noticed they'd arrived at Enma Cho.

Hisoka made his way into the building quickly finding Tatsumi and asking for the idiot's pay.

"So he's fine." Tatsumi inquired after handing over a plain white envelope to Hisoka.

"Yes." Hisoka answered thoughtlessly. "He's remembering slowly." Hisoka scowled. "Though I would have rather had Watari mix something else up to return his memories."

"Yes, but we know the dangers in doing that. The odds were not in our favor." Tatsumi responded.

"Hisoka!"

"Where are you Hisoka!!"

Tatsumi hid a smile at the boy's discomfort. "My regards to Tsuzuki. If you'll excuse me, I have a meeting." With that Tatsumi was gone.

Hisoka turned and headed back down the hall. He stopped short of Tsuzuki running him down. "Let's go." He said as he walked around the purpled-eyed man.

Silence hung between them until they reached a park still several blocks from Hisoka's home.

"How about a movie, my treat." Tsuzuki said putting an arm around his jade-eyed partner.

Hisoka glared through the blush. Trying to shrug off the older man before his thought and feelings seeped through. "No." He was forced to say through clenched teeth when Tsuzuki didn't let go.

"Why?"

"I'm still sick." Hisoka hated to have to use that as an excuse. He hated to make himself look weak in front of him but the man was persistent. Over time he had grown more forceful, not taking 'no' at face value anymore. Instead Tsuzuki had began to dig until he was coerced into saying 'yes. '

"Then we'll rent something." He moved Hisoka with him as he spotted the video store. All the while Hisoka struggled trying to get free. He drew his fist back knowing it would hurt him more than the baka-yarou he had for a partner.

Tsuzuki drew Hisoka closer as they walked. The shield on his emotions was the strongest he had ever created as far as he knew. 'It has to be,' he told himself. It was the only way he could touch his jade-eyed partner without hurting her.

Hisoka glared for a long moment. In the new embrace Tsuzuki had pinned his arm in. He couldn't move anything other than his legs. He turned his face away after a moment, the feeling of contentment slowly seeping through. The feelings was light and it invaded his thoughts slowly making him feel like the emotion was his.

Tsuzuki grinned as they made their way into the video store. Several people milled around looking for movies, some only half glancing at the new comers. He stopped in the middle of the store reading a sign of the new releases. He read the sign twice before heading to the new release section. "So what do you want to see?" Tsuzuki asked they walked down the section.

Hisoka didn't answer.

"Come on, if you don't help me pick something you'll be forced to watch what I pick out." Tsuzuki said looking down.

"I usually am. Let me go." Hisoka said as he began to struggle again.

Tsuzuki let go, feeling the loss of warmth as it wrenched itself away. He began looking through the movies, half-glancing at the titles. Hisoka didn't seem keen on public displays.

'I usually am.' Hmm, that only meant she usually let him pick out the movie. It wasn't as fun if she refused to participate. He picked up the first two movies he could reach both of which seemed to have a dark theme. 'Something to go with my mood,' he thought dryly. He made his way to the counter, followed by Hisoka at a distance.

"Do you have your card sir?"

Tsuzuki looked at the man then at Hisoka. "Do you have my wallet?" He asked.

Hisoka looked a bit embarrassed. "Yes, it's at home though."

Whatever anger Tsuzuki had felt melted away at seeing the blush. "Do you have a card?" He asked gazing down at the engaging emerald eyes.

Hisoka nodded pulling out a white card with numbers but no name. 'Odd,' Tsuzuki thought.

"Are you Tsuzuki-san or Kurosaki-san?"

Tsuzuki's eyebrow rose in interest, he seemed to be doing that a lot lately. They were both under the same card.

"Kurosaki, Hisoka." Was the irritated response.

Tsuzuki waited till they left the video store before he spoke again. "So what do you want to eat?"

"Whatever's fine."

"Do you always let me decide everything?" Tsuzuki asked walking closer to Hisoka.

Hisoka turned and looked at him crossly. "No, only the things that don't matter." He responded callously before he quickened his pace.

*************

Tsuzuki sat comfortably on the couch his feet on top of the coffee table until Hisoka came back.

Hisoka walked into the living room, on one hand he carried a bowl of popcorn filled to the brim while in the other he carried two sodas. He set everything down before his hand slapped Tsuzuki's feet off the table.

"You're mean." Was the sullen statement followed by a pout and tearful purple eyes.

"Yeah, yeah write me a book." Hisoka responded sitting on the couch a good distance away from his partner.

Tsuzuki smiled. He pushed 'play' on the remote before he set it between them.

Hisoka waited patiently to see what Tsuzuki had rented. The Watcher. He frowned, hadn't he read something about this movie? There was something . . . . he couldn't remember though. He was becoming as bad as the King of sweets.

Hisoka sat comfortably at the end of the couch, tucking his legs underneath him. His head tilted to the side. The American film wasn't half-bad. 'I wonder if it's based on a book,' he thought as he continued to watch.

His eyes widened at a particular phrase spoken by Keanu about three quarters of the way into the film. Was Tsuzuki aware of the under current in the film? Is that why he brought it? Hisoka chanced a glance at Tsuzuki, who for all sense and purpose seemed thoroughly perplexed.

Tsuzuki shut the tv once the film was finished. "It was odd, don't you think?"

'No, the guy's obsession was like Muraki's with Tsuzuki,' Hisoka thought darkly.

"Hisoka?"

"I'm going to bed?" Hisoka said as he got up.

Tsuzuki watched her leave. There was something there, a lingering emotion of something. Why couldn't Hisoka be more open? It really frustrated him. He picked up the soda cans and the empty bowl. He cleaned up knowing Hisoka would appreciate it even if she didn't express it.

He got ready for bed still thinking about the film. They say love is blind, so does that mean that it's all right then . . . . to love another man? For some reason the thought troubled him. He propped his arms behind his head and stared at the ceiling for a long time.

*************

"Yamero !!!!"

The horror filled scream had him running before he realized what he was doing. He tossed the door open and rushed to her side.

Hisoka squirmed on the bed. A look of anguish distorted her usually calm features.

"Hisoka!" Tsuzuki said shaking her lightly.

"Wake up!" He shook a bit more.

"Hisoka!" Tsuzuki shook her a bit rougher. Panic, began to rise in the pit of his stomach, moving through his veins until it squeezed his heart.

"Baka-yarou, it's a trap." Hisoka whispered hoarsely.

"Hisoka." Tsuzuki lifted her of the bed hugging her close. He sat her on his lap then slowly he began to rock them. "Come on!" He yelled into the elfin face. "Wake up!" The fear and anger running inside him was strong. Strong enough to penetrated through the nightmare Hisoka had been trapped it.

Hisoka pulled in a mouth full of air, coughing when it appeared to be more than his lungs could handle. He was shaking. It had been horrible. To hurt him was one thing; he was used to it but to hurt Tsuzuki, forcing him to watch. His hand unconsciously grabbed fistfuls of the other mans' pajama top. He hadn't had one of these dreams in a long time.

Tsuzuki breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't ask any questions instead he hugged the small body closer to him. It broke his heart to hear the small whimpers. He could feel Hisoka's tears soaking through his shirt. Was it that bad? He knew Hisoka didn't easily cry. How? He wasn't sure but he felt it to be the truth.

Hisoka fell back into reality gradually. Slowly he came to realize he was been held. He moved away knowing to whom the protective arms belonged to. "Tsuzuki." He began feeling embarrassed, stupid sleeping pills.

Tsuzuki watched her draw back, the insecurity in her eyes lasting only a brief second before it was hidden. He bent his head low capturing Hisoka's lips. He ran his tongue on the lower lip wanting access to the small little mouth, always so curt when responding to his flirting. Tsuzuki felt a shudder of yearning flow through the small body in his arms before he was roughly shoved back.

"No." Hisoka said not meeting Tsuzuki's eyes as he scrambled off the others lap.

"I don't understand." Tsuzuki began but Hisoka kept shaking her head no. "Why?" He asked as he stood and looked down on her.

"I need to rest Tsuzuki, I'm still sick and the sun isn't even up yet." Hisoka made his excuses as he drew the covers around himself. The cold air wouldn't leave him now. He began to shiver so he drew the blankets tighter against himself. It was just the flu, nothing more.

Tsuzuki stepped closer feeling her forehead. Her eyes where closed for what ever reason though he felt they were so, to keep him out. "All right Hisoka. I'll leave but if you need anything call me." Tsuzuki left reluctantly. He didn't want to leave at all.

The purple-eyed shinigami dragged his feet as he made his way back to his room, biting on his lip; he tasted the saltiness of his Hisoka's lips. He'd kissed her; the urge had been strong after she'd opened her eyes. He'd been so afraid she might not have . . . .

He'd kissed her not just out of curiosity or because the moment was right. No, there were feelings involved, strong feelings. _'Love is an illusion.' _Hisoka's voice rang in his ears. The jade-eyed shinigami had said that to him once. _"Is it?" _He'd retorted. Hisoka had become upset and walked off. He remembered that. It had happened this year . . . . sometime in the springtime.

Was she closed off to the prospect of love? She sounded like she might be. Tsuzuki made his way to his bed. His head turned left, aware he'd left the door open. He could hear better this way.

I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter. I know its smaller that the first but not by much. I don't think it'll matter since I've posted all four parts. You won't have to wait to see what happens ^_~


	3. chapter 03

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is the creation of Matushita and associates. FF is non-profit, meant for entertainment only.

FF can be archived anywhere, just let me know where. Please send no flames, I'm sensitive. For all other comments 0_o you may contact me at kaoru_koishii@yahoo.com

Category: Yami no Matsuei

Title: An illusion is nothing more and nothing less, at first glance.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: A post-Kyoto fic. Tsuzuki accidentally drinks one of Watari's potions. The potion seems to take Tsuzuki's memory making things even more complicated for an ill Hisoka. To make things worse Tsuzuki believes Hisoka to be a girl.

*************

Chapter Three

*************

A whole week with a distant Hisoka is not what he'd been looking for when he'd stepped into that room to wake her up. Tsuzuki popped another cookie into his mouth feeling the sugar would some good in lifting his spirits. He pretended to watch something as Hisoka moved around in the kitchen preparing dinner. In a week he'd been able to remember more, some good but mainly bad. Stuff he'd wish he'd never remembered. All in all this week had proved one thing for him. He was in love with his partner. He kept a strong shield on his emotions now. It had been hard at first trying to maintain it in place at all times but he quickly realized that the longer he held it in place the easier it became. Obviously because he was practiced at it.

The real him, the one with all the memories he'd kept the feeling to himself as well. Maintaining the partnership between them was better than risking Hisoka leaving him. He sighed and popped another cookie into his mouth. Why were things so complicated? Hisoka looked worse for wear, more so now than she had when she'd picked him up at the infirmary more than a week ago. She didn't look like she was sleeping and it worried him. He needed to speak to the scientist guy who'd done this to him. Watari.

A thought occurred to him. Hisoka wouldn't object to him taking a walk, especially if she didn't know about it. Tonight he'd go over there. The place wasn't that hard to find. Hisoka's hand brushed against his, as the plate was set in front of him. Jade-eyes narrowed briefly, pinning him to his seat. It was obvious the smaller shinigami had picked up on what he wanted to do but not on the 'why?' He hadn't thought of the why at the time so he was safe.

All right he wouldn't do it today but he would do it soon. He didn't want another week of the cold shoulder. He wanted them to go back to how they were.

"Baka, pay attention or you won't get dinner." Hisoka's exasperated voice reached his ears.

"What? Why?"

"I said that if you want more to tell me now." Hisoka responded. You'd think that because he'd been talking about food the idiot would have heard but no too busy plotting on how to run off to see Watari. He watched Tsuzuki nod vigorously. After careful observation Hisoka had come to the conclusion that Tsuzuki's stomach, it had no end. It was a bottomless pit. Hisoka made the plate twice the normal size before he took the pan back into the kitchen.

A quiet Hisoka sat across from Tsuzuki, watching him carefully. So what if he wanted to see Watari? He didn't care. Tsuzuki could do anything he wanted, sleep with anyone he wanted for all he cared. Hisoka placed his fork down not really feeling hungry anymore. Why would he jump to that kind of conclusion so quickly? Nerves. It was nothing more than his nerves. He needed rest.

He felt so tire, how he wished he could sleep. He was afraid of taking the sleeping pills. What if became trapped in the nightmare again? As tired as he was, he still didn't want to sleep because he was afraid of the nightmare. He was so stupid sometimes.

"You should really try to eat."

Hisoka looked at his partner tiredly. Tsuzuki was a sound sleeper when he'd had a lot to drink. If he were inebriated then he wouldn't rush to his side if he screamed. Though alcohol could do the same for him. He rose from his chair, disappearing into the kitchen for a moment. He brought out a red wine and two cups. He served Tsuzuki a goblet full before he filled his half way. He sat back down pretending to eat. He made the effort once or twice but he was just so tired. He kept refilling the goblet until the taller man swayed in his chair looking happy. Hisoka helped him up and began to lead him to his room. A good nights rest, that's what they needed.

Tsuzuki grasped her by the waist trying to keep his own balance but failing miserably. "Sorry." He murmured as they almost tumbled to the floor. Hisoka only nodded and continued to help him into the room. Tsuzuki felt himself been laid back onto the soft mattress. "Wait, take shir' off . . . .takemy shirr off." He insisted until Hisoka drew closer. He allowed the small little hands to manhandle him. His shirt was yanked off and he realized that then she'd leave. "Wait! My sleeepshir. My sleeep shir." He cleared. He heard the heavy sigh near his head.

Hisoka realized that perhaps one bottle was not enough to knock out the idiot. He finished putting the sleep shirt on Tsuzuki before he rushed out of the room. He was blushing; he could feel the heat all over his skin. He moved back to the kitchen, clearing everything off. He would clean up before going to bed.

Finishing quickly, he made his way back to his room carrying the half-filled goblet. He changed his clothes and took a seat on the bed, drawing the covers around himself once he got comfortable. He held the goblet out in front of him, all the while thinking about the last book he'd read, the one with the happy ending. He kept the thought clear in his mind before he tossed the drink back in one gulp. The goblet made it to the nightstand next to his bed before his world disappeared into a black abyss. 'So warm,' was the drifting thought.

Long fingers delved into his flaxen hair. The touch was intrusive, as it was calming. Hisoka eyes strained to maintain contact with the pages of his book but that hand. That hand was so distracting. "What?" He was forced to say when the hand began moving down to the base of his neck. "Did I tell you about touching me?"

"Not to do it in front of people." Was the cheeky response.

His ears burned before he felt the blush on his face. "Baka." He said slapping the hand away.

The brunet merely smiled and sat in front of him. He hated been ignored. His hand touched the book pushing it up so he could read the title. "I'm hungry."

"When are you not?" Hisoka responded brusquely, moving some of his bangs out of his eyes.

"Let's go have lunch." The brunet coaxed.

Hisoka was growing weary of this. He almost always gave in. Why couldn't that man just let him have Sunday? He'd wanted to read his book for several weeks but it was always something. Something to do with Tsuzuki that kept him from finishing.

The brunet slipped the book out of the youth's hands, tucking it under his arms. He stood and looked down on the boy. The boy seemed to debate whether or not this was for the best. "Come on." The brunet said as he extended his hand to help the boy stand.

The boy took it begrudgingly. They had been in such a nice spot. 'Should have brought food,' he thought. That would have kept the older man out of his hair for more than an hour or so.

The older man heard the mumbling. He drew the younger shinigami in his arms briefly. "Yes, next Sunday will have a picnic." He spoke into the mop of blond hair before letting go.

Hisoka turned his face away. There'd been too many feelings bared in the brief period they'd touched. Everything was becoming confusing . . . . .

Hisoka opened his eyes slowly. That was the Sunday they had spent in the park, the day before his accident. 'They'd never gotten around to actually having their picnic.' A sinking feeling settled into the pit of his stomach. What was he thinking? It was dangerous to think along those lines or anywhere near those lines.

He cared for Tsuzuki very much but not in the romantic sense. The man was his partner but he could never care for him like that. Love was an illusion and if nothing else Hisoka was a realist. So he couldn't feel what he didn't believe in. He was aware of people around him, how could he not be but those people, the ones in 'love.' He felt. No, he believed they were deceiving themselves. What those people felt was nothing more than attraction. Chemical impulses working of one another, creating sparks of interest. It was science better explained by Watari.

He avoided thinking about love between parent and child. After all he was proof that not all parents cared for their offspring.

Tsuzuki cared though. Hisoka closed his eyes feeling a strong headache just behind his lids. He was not attracted to his partner the man just knew how to get under his skin, that's all.

Sighing deeply he got out of bed. It was time to face the humdrum of everyday life.

*************

"I was wondering when you were going to get up."

Hisoka stopped mid step startled by the man for a second before he continued. "You haven't been attempting to cook have you?" Hisoka asked as he looked at his kitchen closely.

"No, I didn't think that frilly apron of yours would fit me."

"Shut Up." Hisoka said moving into the kitchen. The man's deep chuckle was nice to hear. It meant he was getting better. He'd be the old Tsuzuki in no time. His hand hovered over the burner was that good or bad? Tsuzuki had seemed keen in moving them into the next step of their relationship. He'd been trying 'something' in the last couple of months. "Ita!" He screamed as pain registered across his palm.

Tsuzuki rushed into the kitchen moving Hisoka to the sink. Running cold water over the burn. The wound taking longer than usual to heal because of the flu. Tsuzuki kept his hands on the slender arm making sure the wound had healed, brushing his thumbs over the spot to make sure, just in case.

"I'm fine." Hisoka mumbled pulling his arm back from Tsuzuki's hands. Tsuzuki only nodded, moving away back to the living room.

"So I was thinking we could go grocery shopping today." Tsuzuki spoke through a mouthful of rice.

"No."

"Why not?" Tsuzuki grumbled.

"Every time we go all you ever want to buy are snacks."

"It'll be different this time. I'm tired of been locked in. Come on." Tsuzuki waggled his tail enthusiastically. "Come on, what do you say?"

Hisoka pondered on the argument. They'd had it many times before and he always promised it'd be different. Thing was, once they were at the market Tsuzuki became a bit harder to manage. He was usually forced into using violence against the man.

"Please Soka." Tsuzuki pleaded.

"Don't call me that." Hisoka threatened. If he'd told the idiot once, he'd told him a million times. He hated the nickname.

"Soka-chan."

That was it. Hisoka tossed a bread roll at the man, hitting him squarely in the eye.

"Ouu!"

Hisoka's elbows rested on the table; the back of his hands casually covered his mouth, hiding the smile the other man provoked. "Fine but if you don't behave I'll leave anything with sugar behind."

Tsuzuki nodded happily tossing the offending bread roll into his mouth. "Sure."

The word wasn't very comforting. But he let it go. He wanted them to spend the next several days in relative peace. In four days they'd be back at work and then there would be whole new reasons for which to yell at the purple-eyed shinigami.

*************

Hisoka felt exhausted. Shopping with Tsuzuki was always so exhausting. He felt the weight of the man as he tossed himself into the sofa next to him. He kept his eyes covered with his arm wanting to ignore his partner for a while.

"That was fun, ne Hisoka?"

Hisoka closed his eyes. He didn't hear anything. He didn't hear anything. Quiet. So quiet.

"Ne, Hisoka?" Tsuzuki whispered too close to his ear making Hisoka jump in his seat. He glared murderously at his partner.

Tsuzuki ignored the look. "I thought we could go out to dinner." The brunet asked moving closer to Hisoka's corner of the couch. Hisoka drew back. "We just went groceries shopping." He stated, pointing out the obvious. Sometimes you had to.

"Yes and we can eat that later but I want us to go to dinner."

Hisoka listened to the phrasing of the question. "No." He said after a moment. "Save your money." Hisoka stood and moved away to the kitchen, a room he'd become extremely familiar with. When he'd first become a shinigami he had been very unfamiliar with doing things for himself. Cooking had been one of those things. With Tsuzuki as a partner though he had learned pretty quickly. He was just thankful he could follow instructions otherwise the cookbooks he bought would have been useless.

Lemon chicken, it was an acquired taste but Tsuzuki seemed to like it. He began preparing things.

He couldn't wait to get back to work it had been a while and he was looking forward to it. Life without work just seemed mundane. Plus it would give Tsuzuki time with other people, which would give him a chance to breathe. The ring of the oven let him know the chicken was done. Carefully this time he removed the tray out of the oven. Moving around the familiar room he continued his work diligently.

"Uhmm."

Hisoka ate the steamed vegetables he'd made for himself as Tsuzuki happily ate his dinner.

"Yummmm." He chewed just enough before swallowing another mouthful. "Lemon chicken?"

"Aa." Hisoka responded indifferently.

"I think I have a new favorite." Tsuzuki swallowed before he smiled at the ash-blond sitting across from him.

"New? This is your favorite." Hisoka answered as he began to drink his tea.

Tsuzuki stopped eating looking at Hisoka for a moment before his eyes trailed down to the others plate, noticing for the first time that the smaller shinigami had not eaten the same food. Hisoka had made the food just for him. Because it was 'his' favorite. He smiled lightly at Hisoka who seemed to find his teacup extremely interesting. He finished his meal in utter bliss. He hoped the rest of their vacation was this peaceful.

*************

"Why do I have to go?"

The large piercing whine hurt the small shinigami's ears. "You're not sick and I said you're going." Hisoka responded with his hands on his hips.

Tsuzuki had dressed in his normal black suit but now that he was dressed he didn't feel like going.

"If you don't go Tatsumi will not pay you. That means no food." Hisoka tried to reason.

"Would you really let me starve Hisoka?"

"Yes."

"You're so mean!" The brunet cried.

"I'm not waiting anymore." Hisoka said as he turned on his heel.

"No, wait I'll go but let it be noted that only because you're making me." Tsuzuki said as he rushed to the smaller one's side.

"Fine, whatever. Let's just go." Hisoka put his shoes on; opened the door and left.

"Wait! You're supposed to wait for me!"

*************

"You're late Tzusuki." Tatsumi stated as the purpled eyed Shinigami walked into the office.

"I got lost." Tsuzuki hung his head low. "Someone didn't wait for me and I got lost." He mumbled. Hisoka blushed in response and turned his head away. Tsuzuki took his seat and looked around while Tatsumi finished his report on something he didn't quite catch. He looked up when the sound of Tatsumi's voice stopped. Everyone was getting up to leave.

"Watari can I have a word." Tsuzuki called out just before the blond disappeared down the hall.

Watari noticed the glance Hisoka tossed them before he began walking down the hall. Watari turned to speak with Tsuzuki before he remembered the files. "Boy the files." He called out.

Tsuzuki stopped, frozen by the words out of the doctor's mouth. "Boy?" Tsuzuki repeated.

Watari and Hisoka turned to look at him at the same time.

"Oh." Watari thought. I forgot. He glanced at Hisoka who looked stunned. A feeling of hurt crossed the boy's face so quickly he wondered if he'd really seen it.

Hisoka turned and walked away. Tsuzuki had thought he was a girl. Is that why he kissed me? Why he flirted with me? Hisoka hastened his pace heading for the south wing; none of the other shinigami ever went there. It was the only place he had when he needed to get away. When being with Tsuzuki became too much. It was the one place Tsuzuki had never been able to find him in.

He reached his haven quicker than he thought possible. He locked himself inside the empty office feeling the familiar chill. For some reason the room was always cold. He moved to the window looking out but not really seeing anything. Why was he contradicting himself? Tsuzuki and him were partners. Coworkers and friends. He did not love Tsuzuki. He didn't. Hisoka leaned on the windowsill feeling like he couldn't breath, choking on an all too familiar feeling. 'He didn't love Tsuzuki,' he thought as he squeezed his eyes shut.

*************

Tsuzuki sat in the infirmary looking over Watari's shoulder, staring at some point on the wall only he could see.

Watari stared at his friend for a long time.

The shock of finding out, the boys' true gender had shaken loose a lot of memories. The brunet had staggered and almost collapsed as memories had rushed back to him, each one insisting it was the most important.

He'd given the purple-eyed man a sedative when his anger had gotten the better of him and he'd turned over a chair and a table near one of the beds.

"Tsuzuki, you have to snap out of this. You didn't do anything wrong." Watari repeated the same thing he'd been saying for the last half an hour.

"Urgh." Tsuzuki made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat as he rose from the bed he'd been sitting on. "Why didn't you just tell me from the beginning?" He said as he moved over to the window. "You knew why I drank the potion."

"Tsuzuki it didn't work out the way we had planned. I thought . . . . I . . . You never said what to do if it didn't work. Tatsumi had walked in just before you drank it and I had no choice but to call the boy." Watari explained sincerely. "It would have looked suspicious if I had come by his apartment unannounced and with the boy's ability he would have quickly found out why I was there."

Hisoka stood three feet from the door to Watari's office. Not sure if what they were saying is what he thought they meant.

"The whole point was to hide them so he couldn't sense them." Tsuzuki's voice began to rise. "So I could be near him without giving myself away."

"You could never hide them." Watari interjected.

"Why not." Tsuzuki roared.

"It was always too late for that." Watari voice was drowned out by the sound of furniture being upturned.

"Why?" Tsuzuki asked hoarsely.

"It's written all over your face. The way you talk to the boy. Your protectiveness of him goes beyond what you admit to him. You're overprotective almost to the point of being possessive. I don't know what you'd do if he ever responded to anyone else the way he does to you. My guess is you wouldn't take it lightly." Watari said calmingly.

Hisoka took a step backwards knowing he couldn't handle this. He wasn't ready for this.

"I just want . . . ."

Tsuzuki's words trailed off as Hisoka ran away from the office door. From the man inside. From the declaration. He didn't want to know.

He slowed his pace as he turned the corner. He walked to their office, closing the door behind him as soon as he was inside. Everything was as they had left it two weeks ago. He looked down at the expense report on his desk. It had been due last Wednesday. He picked up his pen and began filling out the form. So much paper work. It would have to be done before they headed off to Kumamoto. His mind filled with numbers and locations as he sought distance from his current feelings and conflicting thoughts.

The door slammed open to reveal a disheveled looking Tsuzuki. "Hisoka, I've been looking for you."

The muscles in his hand were numb. He looked at the clock to the side. It was lunchtime and the idiot had just come into the office. His eyes moved past the clock to settle on his partner. The glare he directed at the man was enough to singe him.

"I have the file for the next case." Tsuzuki faltered under the gaze.

Hisoka stood and placed his jacket back on moving around the taller man as he tried to leave.

"Where are you going?"

"Lunch; get out of the way." Hisoka responded as he took a step back from his partner.

"I'll come with you."

"I don't need company." Hisoka answered coldly before he slipped past the older man.

Tsuzuki caught the slim wrist in his hand as the boy slipped past him. "Why are you being this way?"

Wordlessly, Hisoka yanked his wrist hard pulling the brunet along. The pressure on his wrist increased and he was forced to raise his hand against the taller man.

Tsuzuki licked the blood on his lip before the wound healed. He let go off the boy who stood there looking angry. The lull of the office had become nothing but silence as they stared on.

"Go." Tsuzuki said as Hisoka half turned to leave. His voice made the younger shinigami pause briefly before he continued. Tsuzuki retreated to their office slamming the door behind him.

OOC at some points, the amnesia gave me some leeway. I know some of you might mind but I thought it added to the story. I reasoned that after working together for so many years Tsuzuki would have eventually tried to move them to the next step. Hisoka I believe would have put up a fight all the way to the end. I know people like Hisoka. Still I hope you guys liked it.


	4. chapter 04

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is the creation of Matushita and associates. FF is non-profit, meant for entertainment only.

FF can be archived anywhere, just let me know where. Please send no flames, I'm sensitive. For all other comments 0_o you may contact me at kaoru_koishii@yahoo.com

Category: Yami no Matsuei

Title: An illusion is nothing more and nothing less, at first glance.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: A post-Kyoto fic. Tsuzuki accidentally drinks one of Watari's potions. The potion seems to take Tsuzuki's memory making things even more complicated for an ill Hisoka. To make things worse Tsuzuki believes Hisoka to be a girl.

*************

Chapter Four

*************

Tsuzuki looked around the busy city. It was much colder here than back home. Everywhere he turned people where either in thick sweaters or coats. He himself only wore a trench coat while Hisoka wore a pale yellow coat; lined in some thick material he didn't know the name to.

The feeling of contentment washed away as he remembered the scene they had made at the office the day before. Tatsumi and Watari had come to fetch him not five minutes after Hisoka had left. They had made him stay away from the temperamental blond till it was almost time for them to clock out. Things had been awkward then, they had gone home together but things were far from fine between them. He had stopped to buy dinner for them even though he'd know the jade-eyed shinigami wouldn't take any. Still Hisoka had waited patiently and without comment as they'd waited for the take out. When they'd gotten home, the boy had gone to bed leaving him alone, feeling angry and guilty.

Tsuzuki sighed and began walking down the busy street heading away from the water and further into the city.

"Where are we going?"

Those were the first words Hisoka had said to him since yesterday at the office. "Urushikawa Hayashi's home." The brunet responded without turning to look at the small shinigami. His eyes kept sight of the road in front of them. His thoughts were on the pictures they'd seen back at the office. He wanted to see the house. The first of three crime scenes. He wanted to see what it had been about those three couples that had sent the murderer mad.

They veiled themselves against human eyes as they drew closer to the house, entering the house from behind they went in unnoticed.

Tsuzuki looked around the living room the dark stain on the hardwood floor standing out above everything else. It was the spot where Urushikawa had fought against the intruder. He'd called out to his lover, Inoue Haru warning him to get the gun.

Tsuzuki left the living room and walked into the bedroom. The bed had a dark stain in the middle that encompassed most of the bed. This is where Inoue had been repeatedly raped before he'd been killed. Pictures in the house had shown Inoue as he'd been before the murderer had disfigured him. Soft blond hair and large aqua blue eyes. The man had been petite, his good looks bordering on feminine prettiness.

They were here because the murderer had somehow been able to trap their spirits.

"The man was wearing a mask when he did all of this." Hisoka spoke; a step away from entering the room Tsuzuki stood in.

Tsuzuki swept out of the room feeling angry that anyone could do this to a fellow human being. He could only image the feelings Hisoka would be picking up. Anger, fear, hate, revulsion. He set his jaw and walked faster.

Hisoka ran a bit to catch up to his long strides. He wanted to see the other houses but he didn't want to endanger Hisoka but if he pulled back now Hisoka would know why and that would only make things worse between them. He had to understand that he could not always shield the boy from the horrors of mankind, no matter how much he tried. They were Shinigami.

Tsuzuki and Hisoka stood in the kitchen of Sasaki Hajime. He and his lover had been slain in the same fashion. Just like in the first instance the lover had been repeatedly raped and then disfigured before he'd been killed. "Is it the same here? Was he wearing the mask?" Tsuzuki's serious tone earned him long glance from his smaller partner. "Yes, he never took it off."

"Let's go then." Tsuzuki said as he reached the backdoor holding it open for Hisoka. Together they made their way down to the last house.

All three murders had been committed in the same city. It was no more than fifteen blocks from the first house to the second and about eighteen from the second to the third. The killer had picked out the couples not because of their sexual preference but rather because he'd wanted to engage in the physical act. He'd slain the protector of the household and moved onto his real prey. A man much too pretty for his own good and because of that they'd both been murdered.

Hisoka stood next to Tsuzuki at the light, waiting for it to turn. They had spent the day looking around, finding out what the couples had all had in common.

Hisoka looked at the busy people walking around; the dull roar of their conversation pushed to the back of his mind as he looked on indifferently. A push from the back toppled him off the curve and into the street where he was quickly snatched back by a large hand. Tsuzuki brought him to stand in front where he could shield him from everyone else. Hisoka turned to the right trying to catch sight of who'd pushed him. He caught sight of a familiar face . . . . but it couldn't be . . . . him.

Fujisawa.

He'd met the boy in Nagasaki at Saint Michel Senior High School. The case where Izuru Okasaki and his teacher Mitani had fallen prey to demons exploiting the feelings they'd had for each other to orchestrate a murder that had drawn attention of the Enma Cho. A case in Tsuzuki's district.

He felt himself being pulled along by the end of his sleeve. His eyes turned upward to meet those of the taller man. This case was taking it's told on the brunet as well. He could tell. He'd been sensing it from the moment they'd entered the first house. Tsuzuki had grown angry and frustrated the longer they seemed to be without clues.

"We should find a place to eat before we get a hotel." Hisoka suggested as they walked down the street.

The older man spared him a glance before he looked around where they were. "Let's just go in here." Tsuzuki's voice was weary. He'd picked the restaurant in front of them. The entire day had been spent following leads that led him nowhere. He sat in the red booth across from his partner neither of them had said much to the other. He hated cases like this.

Tsuzuki picked up the menu in front of him. American food. He smiled a bit. He'd lucked out.

"What can I get for you?"  


Tsuzuki smiled largely at the waitress making her blush. "I'll have a number seven please."

The waitress smiled at the brunet. "And for you." She turned to the boy. "Just a salad." He said brusquely. The woman turned to the brunet who was looking the boy intently. "And to drink?" She asked.

"Tea and an ice cream soda." Tzusuki responded, turning his eyes back to the waitress. She nodded as she finished writing down the order before she left.

Hisoka kept his face turned away. His eyes trained on the tv in the far corner. His eyes casually drifted to the people sitting below at the bar. They caught sight of dark hair and malicious eyes before someone stepped in front of him. When the person moved, Fujisawa was gone. Why did he think he kept seeing that boy? Was it because of what he'd said to him long ago at the school?

Fujisawa had looked him over then, "You're Kurosaki? I see . . . . you really do look like a girl." He hadn't responded and Fujisawa had continued. "You," He'd drawled. "Look like the type that wants to be raped."

"What's wrong?" Tsuzuki's voice cut into his thoughts. Hisoka looked down at the table and realized it wasn't the mans' voice but his hand that had broken him out of his thoughts. Tsuzuki's thumbed brushed the top of his hand in a light caress.

"Nothing." Hisoka responded glancing up at his partner. He pulled his hand away knowing the waitress had seen them. He could feel her shock and her . . . . . envy. It almost made him snort out loud. What could she possibly have to envy? She was alive and she was pretty. She seemed happy all the way around. What could she envy?"

Tsuzuki frowned before he pulled his hand back so the waitress could set their things on the table. "Thank you." He said smiling at her. She returned his smile and left.

Tsuzuki kept his thoughts on his food as he ate. Hisoka seemed extremely sensitive today. They finished their meal and headed out in search of a motel.

Twenty minutes later they were situated in a nice hotel. They had gotten two rooms with an adjoining door. Hisoka had immediately gone to bed and he was left alone. He turned his tv on and let the chatter lull him to sleep.

Tsuzuki's eyes snapped open at the feel of steel as it penetrated the flesh of his chest. He made a fist and knocked back the masked man. The blood ran down his torso for a few seconds before the wound healed. The man jumped at him again and he was knocked back with the weight of the other.

Hisoka rushed through the adjoining door. His psychic power tossed the masked man into the wall where he slid and slumped to the wall. His knife fell on the carpet without noise.  


Hisoka stood by the door as Tsuzuki moved to the slumped man. He kneeled in front of the body blocking the site of the man from Hisoka. "It's Fujisawa." Hisoka said as he approached the kneeling man. "He was the one." He paused feeling his energy drained. "He came here tonight to do the same to us."

Tsuzuki glanced over at Hisoka who looked extremely pale. "Are you all right?" He asked worriedly. He rose to look at the young shinigami. Hisoka only gazed at him as he moved closer. "In the room of the first house. I . . . I saw what he did." Hisoka said softly. Tsuzuki felt a tearing in his heart. He wanted so much to comfort him but he was afraid of hurting the boy. He placed a shield on his emotions and hugged the boy to him. His whole focus stayed on the shield. He hugged Hisoka tighter storing the feel of the young boy into the back of his mind for a later time. His head dropped to the boys' neck nuzzling him for a bit. They stayed that way for sometimes. Too short a time from Tsuzuki's point of view. Slowly he withdrew not sorry he'd embraced the boy. Hisoka's eyes opened slowly to gaze at him.

"We should leave tonight." Tsuzuki said once they no longer touched.

Hisoka nodded his head and went back to his room to get his coat. Tsuzuki picked up the body and left. He knew Hisoka would catch up as soon as he was ready.

**************

"It was the cursed knife trapping the souls." Tsuzuki finished explaining before he fell silent.

"I'm glad the case was resolved quickly." Konoe stated. "You'll just need to finish the report and hand it to Tatsumi before Friday please." Konoe said looking at Hisoka then Tsuzuki before he continued. "All right, that's all." He said adjourning the meeting.

Tsuzuki walked away from the meeting and headed out of the building rather than to his office. Hisoka watched him go before he went to their office to get started on the paper work.

Watari waited for the boy to enter his office before he went after the brunet. He walked out into garden surrounding the building, where Tzusuki stood under a cherry blossom tree. His back to the building the brunet seemed lost in thought.

"Tsuzuki," he said as he got closer to the troubled shinigami.

Tsuzuki didn't turn. He stayed silent for several minutes before he was able to speak. "The boy is the same age as Hisoka." Tsuzuki began. "He was beyond crazy. I didn't realize why he'd come after us until Hisoka pointed it out." Tsuzuki paused. "I left Hisoka at the hotel while I left with Fujisawa, hoping he would wake up so I could kill him."

"Tsuzuki." Watari said taken back.

"He went to where we were with the single purpose to hurt Hisoka like he did the others." Tsuzuki's voice picked up anger. "If I had been human . . . ."

"You are human Tsuzuki." Watari interjected.

Tsuzuki didn't answer. "If I had been alive he would have killed me and moved onto Hisoka."

"You can't blame yourself for something that didn't happen."

Tsuzuki didn't respond. His body became still as he went back to staring at the cherry blossom covered fields. Watari shook his head sadly. There wasn't much he could say to make the man feel better. Hisoka was harder to talk to after incidents like these. Besides he had a feeling the boy would come around to comfort the sad shinigami when he was ready.

*************

Hisoka looked around the clean living room. His house felt so empty. He had become used to the idiot's company faster than he would have thought. It hadn't been easy getting used to a lonely house again. It had been two weeks since the Kumamoto case. Two weeks since Tsuzuki had decided it would be best for him to be on his own. He hadn't called either. Hisoka picked up his book, leafing through the pages until he found the marker.

Tsuzuki had seemed like he was back to normal. He'd gone back to been cheerful and flirting with him but there was something amiss in all of that. He had tried to sense what was wrong but Tsuzuki had build strong walls around himself and Hisoka was allowed to sense only what Tsuzuki projected, not what he was really feeling.

His eyes focused back on the page. Two months on the same book, that was a new record for him. He'd been so interested in reading the book when he'd first bought it. He rose from the couch and picked up his keys, sliding them into his pocket as he moved to get his coat. It was cold out but not so cold he couldn't spend time at the park. He picked up his book and headed out.

Hisoka paused just before he reached the tree he always sat under, surprised to see someone in his spot. He walked slower until he reached the foot of the man resting in his spot. "Oi, you can't sleep here."

Purple eyes opened slowly. He smiled lightly at the fair-haired boy. "I was wondering when you'd come." He said as he rubbed sleep from his eyes. "You owe me a picnic."

Hisoka stood by the man's side a moment longer before he decided to take a seat. "You're in my spot." He said stubbornly. Tsuzuki smiled and drew the boy closer against his chest. "How about we share." Tsuzuki whispered over the boy's head.

"That's not what I meant." Hisoka huffed in indignation. "You should move."

Tsuzuki held onto the boy despite his better judgment. "I should do a lot of things." He answered evenly. "but I only do what appeals to me. Perhaps if you made me some sort of offer . . . ."

Hisoka turned his crimson face up to look at his soon to be dead partner. "Hentai. Shut up." He snapped.

Tsuzuki only smiled in response. "Why don't you read your book so I can go back to my nap." He said reaching for the book in the boy's hand. Hisoka snatched the book away from the older shinigami.

He tried to ignore the amusement coming from the other man. He was aware he was sitting between the man's leg and resting on his chest but he tried to ignore that too. If anything, he was good at denying the mans' existence all together. His eyes focused on the words on the page of his book until there was nothing but the story.

Tsuzuki smiled at the picture they made. He had missed the boy very much. It would be sometime before he willingly took another one of Watari's potions. It could have ruined everything if not for the fact that he had fallen for Hisoka again. He took a deep breath, both his chest and Hisoka rising with the movement. "How bout some lunch?"

Hisoka knew it wouldn't be long before he was interrupted. He sighed regretfully as he closed his book. "I suppose you're hungry." Hisoka said slowly.

Tsuzuki flexed his muscles before he stood with Hisoka in one fluent movement. "I believe I owe you a meal." Tsuzuki said as he took the smaller shinigami under his arm leading him away from the park.

"Please." Hisoka snorted sarcastically. "You owe me a lifetime worth of meals the way you eat."

"That, I can arrange." Tsuzuki said smiling down into the elfin face. Hisoka blushed and turned his face away.

- Owari

I hope you everyone enjoyed the story. I had fun writing it. Though I must say writing four chapters is a new event for me usually I make my stories ten chapters or plus. Hmm, maybe the next one I write, I'll make that long. Maybe. Either way thanks for reading. I'll see you all in the next fic. 


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